The Mechanic • April 27th, 2014
BROOKLYN – Another beautiful 64 degree god-kissed day graced York Field last Sunday as another hard fought 3 bill set of games took place. And upon completion the chalk-drawn box scores had their opinions and unanimously ring-raised the hands of The REDS who no doubt plated more runs than their rival BLACKS: 10-7, 14-12, 16-12. The BLACKS gathered post game still grinning and drunk from all the glory, joy and tallboys and paused as if somebody told them that Gary Busey was president. "Somebody told us we lost and that's when I stood up and said 'no fucking way'. Yes I see that they scored more runs, but what we all need to open our eyes to is that despite the box score’s opinion, we pocketed more joy, more team yuks and more suds. So hand to god, I don’t feel like we didn’t win... It's very possible we're stickball’s Rosa Parks and that box score is the ‘whites-only’ bus sign...So fire up a J and spend some time with THAT...” said BLACK Captain The Mechanic while filling out an official YFS league protest form.
The 11 sluggers flung their carcasses onto Brooklyn’s own York Field and punched tickets at the foot of the freedom portal known as The YFS. They swung, flung, caught and scooped lumber-hit tennis balls while running up valuable miles on the body tachometer inning after glorious inning.
“I'm shattered right now...the concrete can be murder on the rig, but I had a fucking time...you’ll also notice a genuine smile on my face that won’t wear off until the 7th time i’m asked to do something for money that in my heart I don’t agree with. I used to get fired up at work after only 3 shitty asks, now I can push 6+. And even if my spirit meter declares midweek bankruptcy, I know that I get to come back out here and get my shit above the line. Because this league’s glory beacon has the ability to shine a light into any windowless conference room” said a reflective and key’d up 2013 Champ “8-Ball” while snorting around-the-world curved Bolivian blue lasers off the dugout bench.
After a brief hiatus, "Golf Shotz" returned to York Field considerably fitter and hairier and topped the HR honors by pounding 7 heavies. Hitting bombs out at York for G. Shotz is nothing new. But what is new was how herculean these jacks were. Tis as if he slathered each pitched HR ball with tartar sauce before bidding them adieu. Once a PGA tour golf prospect, Shotz has been blessed with natural ability and it’s now flowing over from what would of been wasted in stuffy mahogany-dripped clubhouses across the globe. After a brief snafu with the league office last fall, he’s back in a big way and is officially Commissioner-locked for the 2014 Fall Classic. Anybody landing this Ox on their postseason roster should shower him with a cave of Game of Thrones-style sex whores as a token of appreciation.
Prior to leaving Hoboken, BLACK Captain “The Mechanic” dumped a basement collection of old USTAs into his two-armed satchel. “I knew The Connoisseur was out this Sunday and he usually brings an asston of Penns”. It was a good hunch, because 27 balls left the yard as the day’s supply alll but ran out.
Game 3, bottom of the 9th, the home team BLACKS needed to make a comeback. However all that was left were 3 popped balls. Down 4 runs, The Mechanic seeded his comeback angle to his teammates: "Fuck these uptown bitches with their lace curtain inflated balls...We're gonna come back and win this shit with these last 3 popped fuckers….” The Captain’s speech was concise, directed and had plenty of venom and payout. A comeback under these conditions would of been nothing short of historical.
But the truth is those balls sucked dick and everybody grounded out.
Next game is set for this Sunday at York Field as The YFS Mothership welcomes back The beloved and ever-dangerous “The Surgeon” from his Los Angeles stint. Season 6 is rolling harder than ever. First pitch 1:05.
G1: R: 10, B: 7
G2: B: 12, R: 14
G3: R: 16, B: 12
HRs: M. Twine: 5 (11), Mechanic: 4 (9), G. Shotz: 7 (7), Secret Agent: 2 (7), S. Peligroso: 1 (6), 8-Ball: 3 (5), Rookie Dave: 2 (2), D. Deal: 1 (1)