El Wrencher • June 8th, 2014
BROOKLYN – Another gem of a day out at York Arena last Sunday as The YFS Mothership welcomed in a bevy of special guests including return star Dirty South Stickball player Nicky The Diamond Cutter, PA's Redshirt Rookie Ray T. and NJ prospect Pat V. for the first time.
Three time special guest Big Cut Conklin was scheduled to start but was scratched from the lineup late Friday night due to an apparent homefront arm-twist trip to The American Girl monstrosity just off 5th avenue and 49th street. The store’s website has the gall to boast on one of it’s pages “Sunny Times Ahead”.
Not for Big Cut who spent the day navigating traffic and not taking cracks out in Brooklyn. The gutted and apologetic Conklin will not serve any suspension but was swiftly reminded by YFS Mothership brass that these moves only weaken the YFS shield. "It only takes one guy to take a doll in the ass, once that happens. It becomes something that's possible”. YFS prank calls to American Girl for comment were not returned.
Stickball games one and two were almost carbon copies as The Blacks jumped out early with easy swinging jacks from The Mechanic and Rookie Ray going back-to-back and The Secret Agent and cock of the walk Connoisseur also getting in on some no doubters. But going up early in the easy breezy confines of the middle innings isn’t what it’s all about as in both games The Black squad looked to employ the dreaded “play not to lose” approach.
Pressure got to The Black’s Mechanic who after grounding out in to end game 1 power-flung Cobble Hill Kid's personal bat into the chain link just west of the visitor's dugout and snapped it in two. “First I’d like to apologize to Cobble Hill Kid, that was his stick, and I broke it in two like cordwood...and secondly to the Glory gods who wouldn’t let me wet myself with a cup of HR gold...I’m better than this. I’ll right this ship" said an upbeat Mechanic from the Commissioner's Hoboken mansion via rotary phone.
Both games the Reds arose late from their dugout beds, kicked off slippers and did the lion share of their work when it counted. “We’re not trying to be the first assholes to work. When they opened the win store, we all said, hand us some clip-on ties, get the fuck out of our cubicles and let us go sell some Pontiacs” said the Red’s Surgeon. The Doctor of the Game continued..."I do what those buttlicks do over there in an hour. I don’t need 8 of ‘em. I got other things to do, like have some yuks, tip suds, enjoy this beauty of a day and a rip a pinner or two...Wins on top of my wins, fuckfaces” continued The Surgeon who’s bat has been a tad chilly as of late but a swagger and nose for the wins has been white hot.
Next game is set for this Saturday (First pitch 12:05pm) as The 3rd annual Dads vs. Lads game will strike ‘em up at York Cathedral. Pitching the ones with kin versus the ones without. The series is tied up 1-1, so we’re gonna see both sides get after it. “With the Lads taking home field this year, I fully expect a fuckton of Steely Dan, cigars and perfectly mixed Fog Cutters coming out of the Dad’s dugout. Those dudes love the rest and relax and that’s how they’ll prepare and be competitive” said the only annual YFS season ticket holder from 68 Jay Bar.
G1: B: 6, R: 7
G2: R: 6, B: 5
G3: R: 10, B: 7
HRs: S. Agent: 2 (27), Mechanic: 2 (20), S. Peligroso: 3 (14), Surgeon: 3 (10), Rookie Ray: 1 (1), Diamond Cutter: 4 (4), Connoisseur: 1 (3).
Blacks were: Rookie Ray, The Mechanic, Cobble Hill Kid, The Connoisseur, The Secret Agent and Rookie Isaac.
Reds were: El Matador, Nicky The Diamond Cutter, Rookie Pat, Soy Peligroso, The Surgeon and Swinging Mo.