With the YFS now at 6 cities, we decided to stretch our top idiots list to 10. So sit back and read all about last year’s frontrunning YFS ding-dongs.
1(1) – KATFISH GLOBAL
AKA THE GOLDEN DUMMY
Chapter(s): Dirty South/YFSLA
Home Ballpark(s): PF CHANG SUPERDOME/THE AIRFIELD/THE DIRT
Years in the league: 6
The YFS finest dipshit holds his #1 spot in the nineteen with nobody within a thousand feet of his Motorhead Jet-Ski® shorts. Katty D is truly in a class of his own. The early ‘19 registered DSS Bywater Boi turned in an MVP performance at the Galactics in Mexico and etched his name on the still AT-LARGE Galactics trophy. KG didn’t stop there and followed up the highest YFS honor by adding a TTFB LA Salesman trophy to his oak legacy cabinet in May. What makes Katfish stand out is how much love he packs on the trail for himself. Other self-love measurement comps on the table show an afternoon when the Kardashians duct-taped all their tits together — yet it still did not surpass KG’s high water mark. Katty D knows that by taking care of #1, it allows him to love us all with the same lather. KG was signed by YFSLA for 30 glorillion and a mint 1981 Honda 3-wheeler for brody-wrangling league ideas on his new 5 acre Yucca Valley estate. At the Galactics Finals in Mexico, God's elbow wrestled for front row cloud seats to see the legend. Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Krishna and Co. who never agree on shit, unanimously slotted him for his own corner office in 2021. Katfish is the first still living on earth to be given a key fob to 1 God Ave.
2 (U) – MOTHERSHIP COCO’S SOY ‘N SURGE
AKA OFFICER PUNCH THE PUPPY & OFFICER PET THE PUPPY
Chapter: Brooklyn
Home Ballpark: YORK FIELD
Years in the league: 11
Soy Peligroso and the Surgeon co-hop into the number 2 spot this year. Previously unranked because it’s taken the league time to truly understand their monumental idiotic contributions to the YFS cause. These no-stop fuckabouts kicked off 2019 with controversial BK ambassador firings of The Mechanic and The Diamond along with other entitled wet grocery sacks of diarrhea who were sucking up extra Chapter oxygen. The move didn’t come without controversy but was an essential one for Soy and Surge to take the Brooklyn Chapter’s reigns all for their own. So much has been done at YFS #1 Chapter that there’s added pressure to continue swinging the biggest wang in the idiot bounce house. The BK Co-Co’s have broke out with innovations like the postseason play-in-game (PIG) design which was an essential league piece and now fixture for the Galactics. Both continue to sharpen their Chapter’s rep and newsy-ness with top write-ups and video fucktaculars that make you take fake shits at work so you can peep them soon as they hit your dumbphone’s inbox. S ‘n S dipshindustries recruit and cut with reckless abandon while keeping the Mothership’s RPMs revving at a comfortable 4500. It’s the league’s belief that any self-respecting dummy can stumble onto the YFS scene and shoe lace-up their god given dumb, but once the hot ropes fall and cool onto the couch, bra straps and terrecotta tile, it is then that you can really see who has the endurance to go abyss-level dumb with zero load management.
3 (4)▲ RED MENACE
AKA SOUTHERN MONK
Chapter: Dirty South
Home Ballpark: PF CHANG SUPERDOME
Years in the league: 5
The gentleman and Galactics Champeen Red Menace AKA Monk jumps up to the 3 spot this year because he’s padded-room prepared for this modern stickball revolution. In 2019 alone, he cued up in the SRLD-pre-check line and punched his YFS passport with visits to Jet City, Rose City, Brooklyn and Mexico. In route to his first Galactics appearance, the registered DSS slugger rolled over into Tijuana with a metric ton of cheeba in his rig hella-focused on the business opportunity that was in front of him. If you’ve had the honor to meet the Red Menace you know that he’s nothing short of a goal-oriented Stickball closer. He will gladly take you through a powerpoint complete with pie graphs that illustrate specifically how he’s going to shit in your Gucci glory dream sliders despite your outfield troll-hollers to doubt him. Glory goals in a bear market that yielded him and his teammates the first ever Galactic Championship trophy. Monk also makes business decisions to help out and contribute as he took to assembling zines from his 2019 stickball adventures, “You Can’t Die in Valhalla” published by the DSS Ministry of Propaganda. Also pumped out a stat book for the Galactics and took the lead to gather and funnel the Galactic jack money to Mexico. Dirty South’s Southern Monk is unstoppable Stickball love on legs - even if those legs happen to be broken.
4 (2)▼ STINKMITT
AKA PREGGERS
Chapter: Brooklyn
Home Ballpark: YORK FIELD
Years in the league: 5
“Baaaaaah!” The national treasure Stinkmitt holds a top 5 slot with a 2019 Galactics finals appearance. This joy of a human contributes to the greater collective of it all. His smarts, sage wit, laugh, and pregnant impressions will always find a way to keep everything disco no matter the situation. The Stinker is a YFS leader and when you see him, your day just got 10 times better. Stinks was alt-named “triples” for the greater part of the 2019 BK season as he took his time tickle-banging his way into the YFS 100 HR club. The glory milestone earned him a reserved compact parking spot and complementary bi-weekly SOE at BK’s 68 Jay clubhouse. Stinkmitt also punched his YFS passport with trips to the Dirty South and the Mexican Galactics finals appearance and helped even up the rivalry for the BK Mothership Blue Gray series 4-4 deep in 2018 while sex waxin’ the hard work on the road.
5 (U) – RIZZ EVERYWHERE
AKA SOLO SHOT, AKA HIS ROYAL RIZZNESS
Chapter: Brooklyn
Home Ballpark: York Field
Years in the league: 6
Rizz is one of those slow burners. A YFS contributor in the biggest sense. In March of 2019, he smile-strutted into the infamous Dandy Del Sur bar in Tijuana as a Galactics PIG and was drawn onto a Brooklyn Champ team that he lost to just months before. Rizz went public about not wanting to be card-drawn to the Champ team that he lost to months before and rightfully hated them as he was set to use the venom as a motivator for his own potential PIG quest. But once Momma Glory pulled his card for the Chapter’s Champ add, he quickly got on board and put the team on his back. In the opening Galactics round, Rizz single-handedly took out a talented Rose City squad and then led his team to a finals appearance. His dedication was on full display when he almost rebar-spear himself chasing down an outfield fly ball during the final series at Campo Polo. Rizz also hauled in his 3rd Fish in 2019 for Brooklyn – and in the same year took cracks in New Orleans, Mexico, Jet City, and Rose City and with Big Sexy in some sort of 1-on-1 Greece water foray. Rizz is a YFS fixture and his contributions to the crest are as hi-score core as you can get. Always selflessly willing to super host YFS visitors and always enthused there to hit one where you fucking aint.
6 (U) – AYE CARUMBA
AKA STICK JAGGER
Chapter: Dirty South
Home Ballpark: PF CHANG SUPERDOME
Years in the league: 5
The Prince of Dirt dances his way onto the Dipshit power rankings this year with pure dedication, wide eyes and energy. The man is a meteor in life and understands the gravity of this effort. He’s locked in like a puma in all aspects of the game: from field, to the plate to the bar, he will give you everything he has and will help you with you and your game and make you better. Recent winner of the Dirty South Chapter’s top honor The ‘Ship. The Jagger dipshit model comes stock with low drama and high as fuck in contributions. Previously living in the shadows of Katfish Global the last 5 years he’s set to bust out for 2020 as Dirty Mick can now take the DSS by storm. A glory goon that is just coming into his prime, and we can’t wait to see where he goes from here.
7 (U) – EL TORO
AKA EL CORAZON
Chapter: YFS Rosarito
Home Ballpark: El Polo
Years in the league: 1
The head of YFS Rosarito is an absolute rhino when it comes to his ability to push the YFS boundaries and unlock what is possible with this effort. Toro made us Americans inadvertently check our nutsacks as he led his pack of Mexicans who delivered a gem of a Galactics 1 t. El Toro AKA El Corazon has more heart than the entire upper hemisphere. His ability to create and push the party can’t even come close to anybody else in the league. He is a true Mexican and a global treasure. Toro and Co. now sit on some of the greatest fields in the league with ever eyes on more. He’s an absolute maniac in the best sense. To have him here as a major YFS cog is an incredible fortune. He has no ceiling and to see him go to work in person is something that needs to masterclassed and bottled for sale.
8 (U) – BIG TRIP
AKA TUBRING, AKA BARNYARD
Chapter: Rose City
Home Ballpark: The Slabyard
Years in the league: 2
Where do we begin with this towering beautiful dummy. Shy on hygiene and baths this talented glory goon focuses on good times, deep bombs, shit talk, and love. Only the second walk on player in league history, B. Trip will show up with no limit on substances and will laugh his way to beating you. On a 2019 Rose City team that posted a signature comeback win over Brooklyn to take home the highly coveted dead-crayon Beetle in the Jet City’s Shit Box Skirmish Royale, you’ll be hard pressed to find anybody freer, dumber and more talented. An absolute breath of fresh air, this walking ladder made the Mexican Galactics, and traveled to Jet City and Brooklyn for cracks. Trip is nothing short of a smelly glory hurricane and we love that he’s been blown in our direction.
9 (4)▼ DAISY CUTTER
AKA IF YOU SAT ON IT OR SMOKED IN IT, DC BROUGHT IT
Chapter: Jet City
Home Ballpark: Jet City Arena
Years in the league: 3
Named Shapers image YFS bong innovator of the year, this slugger is the soul of Jet City. And helps tend to one of the more beautiful fields in the league. He innovates with bong domes, bong tents, bong showers, bong lawn mowers, bong cat towers, and bong shower caps – you name it, he’s put a bowl in it. He’ll also drag 5-6 thousands pounds of shit 40+ miles to the glory slab to make it better for all. He’s not going to do a lot once he finally sets up but he’s nothing short of a sculptor with the gas, oil and forged steel. This is old man strength at its finest. He also knows a guy who knows a guy who can get you even deeper cut Costco prices on already heavily-marked down Costco jeans. The discounts are so huge that they come dangerously close to paying you to wear those indestructible, boxy ass jackets. The soul of Jet City, this colossal fuck-off has the sage mind of an idiot and the spirit of a saint.
10 (U) – SON OF STICKBALL,
AKA YOUR FAVORITE SON
Chapter: Rose City
Home Ballpark: The Slabyard
Years in the league: 2
Your favorite son sneaks in at the 10 spot this year. This kid is nothing short of a shooting star. It’s all in the eyes. Not a loud slugger by any stretch but when you lead with bone straight action there’s no need to shout from the pizza chipper. Son dripped pig blood over a BQE Bomber II and converted another into “Chinese Restaurant” with red and gold deets. Son’s probably done more writeups than all of YFS Brooklyn in 2 years. He can flex skill sets with beat writeups and also chef up invites setting the game stage for the only flex sexual Chapter in the league. His rally of the roses is a big part of why Portland has so much moxy. The kid is lasers and we feel he’s only getting started.