Big Bat Bacon  •  November 8th, 2020

JET CITY — There’s no denying the heightened blood pressure, and sweat drenched palms in anticipation of this year’s JCFC that would normally make every aging Plowboy reach for the Med-alert button dangling inside their off-brand JCPB jerseys, but on this day The Twelve reveled in this unsettled atmosphere settling over the Jet City Arena. A day of firsts: first time fielding 3 teams; a steaming pile of first time JCFA dipshits; first time playing with Sun in November; and the first time Landmine deigned to saunter back intoThe Arena in this our Melee Season. Together, these firsts made for an epic conclusion to an epic season.

Prognostications set forth by Jet City’s own Nostradamus in the Melee Game 1 soliloquy of a growing Millennial Plowboy roster proved astoundingly accurate. Rookie Chris, Rookie Jeff, Rookie John, Rookie Drew, Double Meat, and Rookie Casey recast Plowboy fortunes by curing the distinctive limp of a team burdened with one foot stuck 6 feet under. A now youthful group of dipshits mixed with a cadre of the well seasoned proves a potent formula; not just in terms of smell, and shit throwing, but also tilt turning, ding dong slapping, stick wielding, ball grabbing, fucking Galactics game winning play. 

The Draw:

Team Bop:
Double Meat
Daisy Cutter

Team Adderall:
Rookie Drew
Rookie Jeff

Team CA (Championship Attitude):
Well Fed Man
Rose City Steve
Rookie Chris

Game 1

10.05: Drenched in the glaring sun bathing JCA, and satiated after the last bites of their lovingly prepared McShitmeat Biscuits,Team Bop and Team Adderall took the field to start the day.  

Team CA observed as tense nerves, frozen balls, and bewildering defense kept Game 1 knotted at no-no through 6 straight innings. The seventh inning stretch proved key for Team Adderall. Quietly, this group of high fliers gathered like a group of native shamans to burn flowers with names like Thump, Dinger, and Clean Stroke. It worked. With 2 on base and clearer of focus, Seadderall man handled his Lil Bitch into blasting a pent up shot deep into the overgrown bush just out of the outstretched reach of DC and Double Meat. Inning 7 saw the only scores. Game Over.

G1 — Team Bop: 0, Team Adderall: 3

HR’s: Seadderall: 1

Game 2

11.05: Team CA’s scouting of the winners had them taking the field with high spirits. The warming air softened frozen fuzzies, and Rose City put a brief kibosh to an early, non-consensual cellular ear-banging from his better half. Ready to play, that Championship Attitude battered Team Adderall with base filling hitting in practically every inning. Stroke after stroke, Team CA relentlessly took it to Team Adderall. Three in the third, three in the fourth, another 4 in the seventh, and 1 in the eighth, doesn’t do justice to the juggernaut that was Team CA in Game 2. Covering the field like a swarm of murder hornets, Team Adderall retired with a scorecard laden with zeros. 

G2 — Team CA: 11, Team Adderall: 0

HR’s: Rookie Chris: 2, Well Fed Man: 1, Rose City Steve: 1, Big Bat Bacon: 1

Game 3

12.05: Team Bop and Team Adderall took the field ready to overcome stinging defeats. The winner would move on to a final with Team CA. Again, these two teams held each other at bay through most of the game while Team CA set up the grill….gloating. Finally, Team Bop broke through after 14 straight No-No innings with Daisy Cutter unleashing an onslaught of late home runs to tie Game 3 at 3 in the seventh. Inning 8 set fire with another DC Dinger, but Team Bop couldn’t hold back hot bats from Rookie Jeff, Seadderall, Landmine, and the extraordinary moral support from Rookie Drew. A game stacked with drama in the last couple innings ended with a Team Adderall win.

G3 — Team Bop: 4, Team Adderall: 5

HR’s: Daisy Cutter: 3, Seadderall: 2

Game 4: That Championship Game 

2.05pm: Team Adderall brings it back to the Arena to face Team Championship Attitude for the Championship series. Having lost the first round, Team Adderall’s climb to the top requires two wins in order to claim the title. A long haul after having already played 3 straight games. 

Again, hot bats in the hands of Team CA kept Team Adderall on their heels. CA loaded the bases in 5 innings while Team Adderall only mustered one. However, loaded bases don’t win games, and Seadderall timed his dingers well. Tied through the 6th at 4 due to a sweet bases loaded punch by WFM to score one in the 5th, and a 6th inning 3 run shot by Rookie Chris, Seadderall spoiled the Team CA rally by dumping a long shot with one on to bring in 2 in the seventh. With the championship on the line, Team CA loaded the bases at the bottom of the 9th, but couldn’t close it down. Landmine’s hustle and hot hands by Rookie Drew, Rookie Jeff, and Seadderall kept Championship Attitude from the win, and forcing a Game 5.

G4 — Team CA: 4, Team Adderall: 6

HR’s: Seadderall: 2, Rookie Chris: 1

Game 5: All The Marbles

3.05pm: Four straight games, and it’s not an overstatement to say Team Adderall was beginning to show some serious wrinkles in their jodhpurs. Putting faith into their between innings smoke billowing drum circles seemed to have them slightly, yet noticeably unravelled headed into Game 5. Well Fed Man kept his team focused, and again they loaded bases inning after inning unable to close. Rare mistakes on defense, swatted down long balls, soft hands, and key catches on both sides kept the score zeros through 5 innings. Rookie Chris crushed a single shot long ball in the 6th that looked like it could ignite the team as they loaded the bases yet again, but they couldn’t rally up any more. Then, with the game on the line in the bottom of the 9th, down one run, man on first and two outs - tensions high - team captain Seadderal stepped up to the plate and blasted a line drive towards the left field warning track only to be knocked down by the championship effort of the Well Fed Man denying the triple that would have tied the game in the bottom of the ninth. Alas Seadderal, Landmine, Rookie Drew, and Rookie Jeff just couldn’t get anymore pitches on sticks and the third and final out left the Well Fed Man, Rose City Steve, BigBatBacon, and Rookie Chris the undisputed 2020 Jet City Fall Classic Champions. 

G5 — Team CA: 1, Team Adderall: 0

HR’s: Rookie Chris: 1

Wrap Up:

Our esteemed Plowboys Captain, Daisy Cutter, presented the Jet City Senior Puppy Bitch trophy to the new Champions. The Jet City Plowboys raised a toast of our own Plowboys Bottom of the Barrel Bourbon to Captain Daisy Cutter for our best year yet; and another to T-Bop’s Plow Boy spirit capturing creativity; and another to the JCA in-house chefs Well Fed Man and Double Meat who rolled out food all season; and another 2 r Rookiez; an anthuer to ar interrepid JcA veddrans; an another to a suny da; an anuther one do YFSs... we luv you guys…….

See You At Galactics

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