The Intern • April 20th, 2019
The heartbreakers are walking into the finals with a team long on charisma and some question marks- will the only true rookie in the tournament fold under the pressure of the moment? Will algorithm regain his form aster a season of injuries? Will the streaky intern slump or swat? And will motorboat arrive in time for the game?
There’s potential on this squad, but no soul knows whether that potential could be for glory or disaster.
Though riding a wave of karmic energy the size of Los ola verdes Down Rosario way, and a lock for fan favorites- the only 5-teammate, 4-player squad In the tourney is going to need as-yet-unseen production from both Dark Web and The Rookie- having the mash power of Fan Boat aka The Game to spark any sort of inspiration is a good start. The big q for the clubs: will the nor’easter blow shit up or just whiff away?
DR BIG DICK
The cards were kind to the d-bags of the tourney. Stacked with a lineup that features young sexy talent in The Cock Doc and Baby Boo, and proven postseason experience in The Deal and Kat Daddy, this team is a true threat in LA’s first ever championship. Whether Katfish Global and The Deal can both return to Galacticos level will determine much for the d-heads. They proved they can handle the pressure of the galacticos- whether they can get it up and sustain it like that twice in one spring after so many seasons on the field is another question.
The tourney favorite also sports the most racially problematic team name in the tourney. But with the always dangerous JEFF, the premium-cable-level dipshittery of CUTZ and Country Club, combined potential contained in the swings of Golf Shotz and Raw and the tendency for them both to catch fire at the same time, the Spades are spending most of their time brainstorming new names that aren’t inappropriate to shout in public spaces.
SEMIFINAL 1 - single game
9:30 AM - SPADES vs. CLUBS
SEMIFINAL 2- single game
11:30 AM - HEARTS vs. DIAMONDS
YFSLA 2019 FINALS - Best of Three
1:30 PM - winners of semifinals
Fans are welcome.
POSTGAME - CUTZ’s MOM’S HOUSE FOR BURGERS AND COKE.
“Death from below.”