The Mechanic • November 3rd, 2013
BROOKLYN – The Free World was treated to a good old fashioned stickball strafing as the 2013 BLACK 2’s roughed up the opposition and just about every USTA Penn ball that came within 20 ft. of the sluggers. As they lumber-grabbed pitched balls by the collar and threw them into BQE traffic, the outfield wall or some unoccupied fair-territory concrete, hanging up a record 59 runs in the eventual 3 games to 1 World Series victory.
“No way around it The B2’s just got out of bed on Sunday, stepped on the field and then punched us straight in the mouth...looking back it was over by lunchtime...we ran into a buzzsaw” said the likely YFS Hall of Famer The Secret Agent recouting the loss from his Brooklyn apartment.
On-leave YFS player La Grievance Grieve was in attendance with his 3-month baby girl, Niko as the adorable father-daughter combo watched The R1 home series from the comfort of the Minister’s luxury box and saw the beginning of the series onslaught. “It looked like the B2s were running a trunk of nitrous while the R1’s were trying to keep pace by double-clutching a stock 351 Windsor...the first two games weren’t even close” remarked the beloved 5-year veteran slugger.
Soy Peligroso, Swingin’ Mo, 8-Ball, and the Mechanic brass-knuckled ball after ball hosting the 21 homerun janking on the cold blustery day as they were forced to play without The Connoisseur Cain who was bed-ridden with a pinched nerve in his back.
The two biggest offensive World Series weapons for The BLACK 2’s were Swingin’ Mo and Co-captain The Mechanic who combined for 17 HRs on the day. Two of Mo’s eight bombs were soul-crushing Grand Slammies as The Swingin’ one also boat-docked The 2013 Rookie of the year honors. “Mo hit clutch jacks when we needed them, helped keep the clubhouse together...he’s nothing short of a gold-plated winner” said the Soy Peligroso who was limo-getting a 20 lady-finger massage from Istanbul’s finest en route to the after party at Dirty Mike’s Cabaret on Greenwich street.
The Mechanic saved his best for last hitting 9 HRs in the finals. And for now etching his name in the top marble slot for most bombs in a YFS World Series. “Soy was laying out pitches for me like a set of westside highway bike tits. I couldn’t miss. I was completely locked in” said the now 3-time Champion who was spraying a pair of Budweiser magnums over a gaggle of topless coeds in the pizza foyer of Dirty Mike’s Cabaret.
But The BLACK 2 team was more than just the 2 lead bombers as many times over the combined offensive would hit with incredible lather. Rookie 8-Ball Kennidi cracked open 3 bombs and blasted countless triples. “God damn I felt good at the plate, and I feel fucking amazing right now too” said Kenedi who was double-nostriling-down on 5-finger pinches of pure peruvian blue out of a brazilian stripper’s armpit. Soy Peligroso who was battling flu-like symptoms also kept the B2 hit-carousel rolling and was behind the clutch triple late in the final game that helped put a dagger in the R1’s for good. “We are The Champions!” sang the speedo-goggled Soy P. while holding up a magnum of Vueve and 2 fingers signifying his personal YFS WS ring collection. Cain was gurney’d to the after party and eventually made it out of his wheeled bed by washing back countless snow-capped Percocets with White Russians and by midnight was looser than anybody in the joint. “No fucking way i’d miss this!” said Cain dancing on a 6-top filled with fans.
The B2’s chalk-drawn innings boxes were always crowded with numbers and no-run slashes were a rarity. “You’d look down and just see all these numbers, it was stupid. And even when we did have a breakout inning, it seemed like they had a breakout innings just about every inning” said a bummed RLCS MVP El Matador.
The BLACK 2 defensive was also crisp and the outfield became known to their opponents as The Giant Hot Vat of Nope. The Mechanic set the tone early with a shoestring catch in shallow left off The Secret Agent’s bat that landed the Wrenchman on the concrete but a held up arm showed a clutched Penn #3 as co-umps Cobble Hill Kid and Oil Can Haas confirmed the out.
The RED 2’s showed plums in game 3 and got in the win column by nabbing a close one 11-9. But in the end The BLACK 2’s were just too much. “You could see Agent and the boys were pressing a bit. The Secret one was coming out of his boots at times, trying hard to fight back, but maybe the pressure to 4-peat was too much, we all knew he wanted to do more, but he did leave it all out in the field, we can say that” said an off duty cop checking his Instagram.
The Champion’s Parade is set for this Tuesday as the crew will travel from Rockaway Beach to Dumbo on Flatbush avenue in an roof-cut ambulance so that Conny Cain can once again begin celebrating first on his back until the accoutrements take effect. Inside the wagon The Fuckin' Champs will be accompanied by a baker’s dozen-comped Penthouse girls and a tub full of cold crisp commemorative Budweisers as they’ll make a pit stop at 68 Jay bar for a brief ceremony and then roll right onto a NY Waterway ferry bound for Acapulco. Prior to untying the boat lines The Champs will swap out of the then used-up Penthousers for the finest Telemundo weather girls while no-cap auto-refreshing them with others at fuel ports all the way down to Mexico.
G1: B2: 22, R1: 6
G2: B2: 16, R1: 7
G3: R1: 11, B2: 9
G4: R1: 7, B2: 12
HRs: Mechanic: 9 (11), Swingin' Mo: 8* (9), Wanderer: 4 (6), 8-Ball: 3 (3), Local Boy: 3 (3), Matador :1 (1), What's Up Jack?: 1 (1), Agent: 1 (1)
*2 Grand Slams
The 2013 YFS BK World Champion are: Soy Peligroso, 8-Ball, Swingin’ Mo, The Connoisseur and The Mechanic
The Red 1’s were: The Secret Agent, The Wanderer, What's Up Jack?, Local Boy and The Matador