The Mechanic  •  July 17th, 2011

BROOKLYN – The 3rd annual All-Star contest paired the Rings against the Things–the past collective who’ve won it all versus the ones who have not. As anticipated, much shit slinging went down in the days leading up to the contest as the Champs led with the obvious and non-champs rebutted with a gash-full of inbox concerns that included lopsided numbers, unfair sides, fewer ABs and general overall bed ridden itched-out douchery. Historically, beat writers and fans all know that York Field has and always will continue to be Champion partial. Winning a Championship at York is no different than putting on the green jacket at the Masters in Augusta or the being awarded the Golden Grapes plaque at Gallagher's gentlemen club in Queens. Once you’ve reached the top at York Field, it's simple, you’re royalty, you’re named etched in history, content to meet death with a firm handshake, a gift bottle of Goldschläger and a worn out cock.

The Champs led by ’09 and ’10 Dos-peat™ Champ The Surgeon, ’09 Champ The Mechanic, ’09 Champ Raw Dog Robinson, ’10 Champ Secret Agent, ’10 Champ El Matador, ’10 Champ Blackberry and ’10 Champ The Local Kid took on The Diamond, Mudnuts, LA prospect player Motorboat McPherson, The Cobble Hill Kid, Soy Peligroso, La Grievance and The Prince. The afternoon heat was layed on thick as both sides got underway and began slugging out their differences. The Champs got on the board early, but it was the Things that gained momentum as the contest pushed deep. The Champs seem to be waiting for an explosive run leading inning but it never came as the Things banned together like a pack of menstruating girl scout leaders and came out on top winning the contest 5-3.

“It definitely was a team effort out there today and we beat those handsome 'n rich pussy-getters…those Champs can go fuck themselves after they are done fucking all those models and drinking all that free bubbly that they get all up and down the tri-state area” remarked an exalted Motorboat McPherson who went 2-6 with a late inning RBI triple. In the end this game had no ramifications, no bearing, nor did it yield any hardware, but it could just be the mental edge that a few of these ringless athletes will tote into October, possibly giving them that all important extra venom that was missing for them in the past and to possibly join the elite York Winner's club.

In the bomb derby, The Surgeon reigned supreme once again beating out the Laser Show in the finals by hitting a 3-pack of BQE depth charges to take home his second bomb derby trophy.

The dog days of Season 3 roll on as the next game is set for this Sunday (8/7) when the sluggers cut official ribbon on Coney Island’s Luna Park. First pitch 1:05pm.

Things: 5
Rings: 3

HR's: Surgeon: 1, Raw Dog: 1

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