Long Balls Lenny  •  October 18th, 2019

BK Mothership Presents 
The Fall Classic XI
Sunday October 20th, 2019
Live! From Mecca 

I bet on my team to win every night because I love my team; I believe in my team. (P Rose)  

Big Black Clash
CSPAN 10am

O/U Total Runs: 21.5
O/U Drops: 2
O/U DPs: .5 (+950)

Black "I'd Rather Party With Than Play With" 1s
Human Resources:
Party Boy
Big Sex
Shroomin Mo
Magic Man

Suds: 4
Reefer: 4.5
Laughs: 3.5
Dedication: 3

Team Quote: I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. (K Cobain)

Team Song: Drug Ballad (Eminem)

O/U Beers: 23.5
O/U HRs: 4
Odds to win it all: 5.5 to 1

This team has lived by their quote for entirely too long. Everyone else knows it shouldn't be taken so literally. A team to root for by process of elimination and nothing more.

Black 2s "The Mouths"
Human Resources:
8 Ball
The Surgeon
Solo Shot
Drunk Tank
Mr. Irrelevant aka "The Only Likable One"

Suds: 3.5
Reefer: 4.5
Laughs: 3
Dedication: 4

Team Quote: Naturally, I now love Jesus very much. Yes, I love him so damn much that I would like to crucify him all over again! (C Panzram)

Team Song: Enough About Human Rights (Moondog)

O/U Beers: 18
O/U HRs: 6.5
Odds to win it all: 3 to 1

Your correspondent was told if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.  On a positive note, Mr. Irrelevant has played mistake free all year long

The media buzz leading up to this series has revolved around the conspicuous lack of left handedness.  As anyone with a pulse knows, the series has been overshadowed by the lawsuit filed by the NAALHP just two days ago.  Both front offices declined to comment if there was any collusion, and when pressed for info responded with an unprecedented joint tweet of "Is pig pussy pork?".  That insensitive statement led for calls to boycott. Expect low viewership for this match up. The Mouths in 3.


The Hunt For Red October Victory
Yahoo Live Stream 1pm

O/U Total Runs: 18.5
O/U Drops: 2.5
O/U DPs: .5 (+1050)

Red "The Unlikable" 1s aka "Rookville" 
Human Resources:
Rook Alex
Rook Phil
Secret Agent
Fart Cop

Suds: 3
Reefer: 2.5
Laughs: 3.5
Dedication: 4.5

Team Quote: If he's putting that stuff up in my body...I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead. I should be pulling tractors with my teeth. (R Clemens)

Team Song: Jimmy's Got a Little Bit of Bitch in Him (Funkadelic)

O/U Beers: 20
O/U HRs: 5 
Odds to win: 4 to 1

What this team lacks in good nicknames it matches in appearance & ability. The strength of this team is its standard deviation in height. Expect flashes of greatness combined with unfortunate moments of disgrace.  This team may lead the pack in inexperience, but are middle-of-the-road in hygiene.  

Red "The Who's" 2s 
Human Resources:
Body Double
Soy Peligroso
The Mechanic
Lefty Moses

Suds: 3.5
Reefer: 2.5
Laughs: 4
Dedication: 4

Team Quote: The guy was hung like a swamp mule.  He had a hammer from hell. It was traumatizing. (L Dykstra)

Team Song: (Don't Worry) If There's a Hell Below We're All Going to Go (C Mayfield)

O/U Beers: 22.5
O/U HRs: 5
Odds to win: 3.5 to 1

This team might be a fan favorite, but most fans are idiots. They put Dipshits on a pedestal. You need to be pretty pathetic to attend any of these events.  With that said, this team is stacked with over the hill legends. We hope their bodies can hold up over the grueling half day.  

The media has presented this game as Old, Bold & Decrepit Vs. Young, Fun & Dumb.  It's probably more along the lines of Mediocre Vs. Okay. Might get extra innings here, so expect some free mildly interesting stickball.  This series should be filled with glory with a lowercase "g". Plan to load up on suds to make this one enjoyable. The Who's in the 11th of game 3.

Eventually, all our graves go unattended. (C O'Brien)

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