Salary • February 8th, 2020
LOS ANGELES – “How do you guys do it?” 8 Ball wondered aloud while looking up at a flock of seagulls wheeling in the blue skies above the cracking hi tension power lines that serenade the Dirt.
“What’s that?” The Deal asked as he cracked his first ice cold Modelo of the morning.
“Oh just, it’s…you guys are all like, really cool you know? Like obviously you’re handsome and funny and you guys have like this collective swagger about you. But like, you make it look so easy.”
Il Consiglieri sipped his beer and thought for a second. “I dunno, I guess I never thought about it before. Salary?”
Salary shrugged his shoulders as he took off his brand new sunglasses. The Artist AKA MEAT TORNADO offered “It’s kind of one of those things that if you start examining it, it falls apart you know?”
8 Ball nodded. “Geez, yeah, I never thought abut it like that but you’re right.” A gleam flashed through 8 Ball’s shining eyes “Hey, don’t tell the guys in New York this, but I think you guys are like, way beyond them. Like, the fact that this is your second year only? And you guys have this crew of dudes and two fields and then those new bats I heard about? Man…I just I actually wish I was out here you know?”
Starfish snorted “That’s what everyone says,” while he watched his dog hump an unfortunate Patriots blanket into the dirt with an impressively erect dog penis.
8 Ball continued his thoughts, “And like, that name, Tinseltown Fun Boys, like some people don’t really get it but like, that’s what makes it even cooler right?” Salary and the boys just shook their heads and smiled.
EZ offered 8Ball a hit from his joint and with a wink teased, “Careful this stuff in Cali is a little stronger than the Kentucky ditch weed you get in New York.”
8 Ball took a sip and coughed and laughed for 3 minutes after. “Man, sorry guys, I don’t know what got over me there..”
EZ put his arm around 8 Ball’s shoulders, “It’s cool. Hey let’s play some stickball huh?” Everyone cheered loud and with pride.8 Ball seemed concerned.
“What’s wrong?” Asked Big Whoop AKA Breakfast Platter as he shoveled southward a forkful of homemade omelette off the finest china west of St Louis.
8 ball confessed, “I actually brought my cousin, you wouldn’t mind if he played would you?”
Salary picked up his bat and gave it a few practice swings, “Man those guys in Brooklyn really did a number on ya, huh buddy? Of course he can play. He’s your family. That’s how it works out here.”
With that 8 Ball’s cousin Miles, AKA 6 Ball emerged from behind an agave plant with a smile as wide as the Santa Monica beach. “Don’t worry guys, I already taught him the rules.” Offered 8 ball. And 6 Ball nodded with confidence.
Golf Shotz, in his cool, bread maker way retorted “Let’s just see if he knows how to catch!” Everyone shook their heads at old Golf Shotz and they divided up teams.
And because he was feeling so loved and accepted, and also because he clearly wanted to impress everyone, 8 Ball played the game of his life. He even shouted at one point “This is the best I’ve ever played! Ever! I love it here!” And the rest of the Tinseltown Fun Boys had to admit, that even after what they deemed a rocky start for 8 Ball, by the middle of the second game, he did seem to be in his element - catching every gently hit pop fly hit directly to him by the generous TTFBs so as to make him gain confidence, and then translating that defensive momentum to the plate where he turned nearly every pitch he faced into base hits.
And since they were in such a generous mood, the Fun Boys made sure 8 ball walked away with a victory on the day- giving him the first game with a bit of much needed help from a Golf Shotz patented River Tickler in the first game while the second game played into extra innings so as to make it feel competitive to 8 ball, and finally giving him the much needed win in the third game.
Afterwards they took him to the closest taco joint available where he continued to marvel at the specimens that make up the TTFBs. He offered to pay the check out of gratitude, but Il Consiglieri wouldn’t have it. That’s just our way here in LA.
Reds - Breakfast Platter, EZ, Salary, Meat Tornado, 6 Ball
Blacks - The Deal, Golf Shotz, Starfish, 8 Ball.
Game 1: Rs: 1, Bs: 5
Game 2: Bs: 5, Rs: 6 (12 innings)
Game 3: Bs: 5, Rs: 0
HRS - Golf Shotz - 2