HOBOKEN – In a statement released late last night YFS HQ shot down the Brooklyn Chapter's current legal “bounce-hit” amendment rule that stated "cock-soggy pitched balls that hit the ground before the plate can be fair game for hitters". “Because they allow it in the MLB” remarked a handful of Mothership players a few weeks back out at York…”Not only is the dumbest shit we’ve ever heard, but a reverse of what we think this league is...the MLB should be looking down our shorts at our nuts and not the other way around” said a HQ spokesman...“As long as the MLB straight-face slings $12 dollar beers and heralds lying vapid drips like Alex Rodriguez then that whole existence can fuck right off...next guy that says ‘Because they do it in the MLB’ will be sat for a minimum 876 games and forced to watch endless Nicolas Cage movies under a hood in right field”.
The silver lining is this shines a gaggle of rave glow sticks on the pitching problem in the YFS. “The fact is crap pitching is tolerated in this league and this attempted “bounce hit” amendment to the 38 page YFS Guide & Rule Handbook would just add more junked Penns to the landfill and further enable the epidemic. “Well I guess I suck at pitching, so i’ll just come out and wait to smoke HR’s off guys who put in the time while I sit here content with my inadequacies”....As much as sluggers lay in bed at night jacking it under their Star Wars sheets and dreaming of the moment they’ll hit a grand slam at the Galactics down in Mexico, they also need to know that most likely happens when you have quality pitchers on your squad that can give you the hitting confidence of a 2.09 avg of well thrown nuts issued during an AB. “We’re tired of guys showing up and saying they can’t pitch. Pick up a ball, find a wall or a chair on your off days and start working on your throws because nothing craps in player’s gameday joggers than having a bevy of subpar hurlers on your team...It's all there for the taking but if somebody is constantly dropping steaks in the mud on the pitching mound then the highest of YFS glory has no choice but to stay in the deep freezer”.