The Intern • June 9th, 2018
LOS ANGELES – An instant classic materialized on the asphalt of Blacktop Beach Saturday. Proving once again the miscreants of YFSLA are committed to the weekly cause of unbridled asshattery and glory sniffing.
It was the kind of game that had our film crews been lucid instead of tripping on psychedelic-laced orange juice, would have appeared late night on ESPN Deportes three nights a week.
The Westside Vibes were epic from point one as Rookie Josh L stepped out of his import auto donned in his couture ensemble that declared to all his embracement of the nickname Country Club (see photo) and his intention to win Rookie of the Year honors.
And as if by some divine coincidence, or perhaps a keen reading of the Donna's Dream invite, Matt Murphy AKA O'fer 72 AKA The Human General Meeting just happened to have a four pack of Sutter Home Chardonnay and some cheese to welcome the man we now call White Privilege to the Airfield.
The draw felt like a mismatch to all. The Reds convened Rookie Josh L AKA Country Club AKA White Privilege, Raw Dog, The Surgeon, The Intern, Rookie Luke L AKA The Algorithm, Rookie Alex W and Matt Murphy AKA Lil' Saturday AKA Australian Coffee Drinker
The Blacks found Rookie Jeff D, Rookie Connor B AKA Easy Up, Rookie Colby P AKA CUTZ, Rookie Tommy O, Golf Shotz, First Timer Zack C, and First Timer Adam P on one side.
But all the pre-grame prognostication didn't amount to a pile of dick sweat as the young blood of the Blacks pumped enough adrenaline through their veins to mount a competitive effort that smacked of the rage expressed bv a 13 year old latch key kid knocking a surprise shiner onto the eye of his drunk step dad during a forced weekend trip to Pep Boys.
Of note, first timer Zack C experienced the sweet and the sting of our beautiful game when one of his first hits ever bounced off the top of the left field fence back into play, robbing him of what could have been a glory boner so large, the local seabirds would have used it as a point of navigation. And Rookie Connor B AKA Easy Up made his presence felt when he jettisoned a no-doubter to the birthday boys and girls celebrating on the other side of the bushes. Proving the Rooks were for Real.
But as it seems to often happen, the Intern found his footing in the third and cranked a 2 run picnic-destroyer over the chain link, putting the blacks up. 2-1.
You would have thought that psychic spanking would have dimmed the spirits of the young guns of the Blacks. Quite the opposite. The Blacks bit back like a 13 year old biting his drunk step dad on the ear after the dad took a swing at him in the very same Pep Boys. The Blacks did so through a combination of solid hitting from Rooks Jeff B, Tommy O, Connor B and Zack C, and piss poor fielding from the Reds. And just like that, they tied the game back up the following inning.
And as if that wasn't enough, the Rookie Blacks continued to display Cahuengas the size of Orange County when they robbed the Intern of what would have been a run-producing double. With the ball tracking for the gap, Rookie Tommy O lept into the air with his hat outstretched, cradling the ball with his outstretched Mac Demarco Special- the ball cradled into the hat, then flipped out. But while it plummeted towards the ground, the quick-thinking Connor B contorted his body to snag the ball with an acrobatic flourish so impressive Even Rob Lowe was forced to tip the wing of his ascending Cessna in respect.
And still the Blacks weren't done.
A third run in the 8th from a patented Golf Shotz Blast carried the Blacks into the 9th with a one run lead. But that's when all the hopes and dreams of this rag tag group of Bad News Bears came crashing to the ground like a plane carrying John F Kennedy Jr. In the bottom of the ninth, with a runner on base thanks to a timely slap from Rookie Alex W. the Intern launched a meatball from Raw Dog into orbit on a walk off blast so epic, several onlooking children broke into a choral round of God Bless America on the spot.
That game took it out of almost all in attendance, with the second game only seeing action in a 3 run third inning for the Blacks via some excellent small ball smacks and a single run from the Reds in the 8th.
The Sutter Home Chardonnay Player of the Game award goes to The Intern.
G1: Rs: 3, Bs: 4
G2: Bs: 1, Rs: 3
HRs: The Intern; 2, Rookie Connor B AKA Easy Up; 1, Golf Shotz; 1