Soy Peligroso • May 6th, 2018
BROOKLYN — As the world turns, the timid bulbs of Grapefruit Tits have blossomed into bonafide early Season X pokies. No Mothership member remains more titillated than Dr. Mitt, whose pant flag, typically at half-mast, escaped the bonds of its prison last Sunday like a helpless gerbil caught in a mudslide. “My autobiography shall be titled ‘The Shawstank Redemption,’” bellowed the well-lit Dad to be, clad in a post-game toga after his shorts committed suicide, “subtitled: ‘Some men prefer Wilsons, but discerning men prefer Penns.’”
Indeed, a philosophy preached most vehemently by none other than the Diamond, our stoned Siddhartha, who sprayed his love all over the highway for the first time since Season 6. “I haven’t felt such uncontainable joy since I had ‘The Octopus’ at the 23rd St Pump N’ Dump,” beamed the Diamond, earning a rare curtain call from the opposing team. “It’s like the hands of those 4 angels are all over me again.”
But the Slut’s blessing shone brightest on El Wrencher. The Wrenchman, El Ministerio, Stickball Dad... whatever you call him, the patient zero of the YFS crushed 7 impressive moonshots to rocket up the leaderboard. “I’d love to stay and chat but I’m needed on set. I’m playing Tad in the All My Children revival, sponsored by K-Y. Let’s just say if you purchased a Mother’s Day card at Spencer’s, this rugged mug is on the cover.”
Up next, Season X keeps chugging full steam ahead with the charity special Bombs For Moms.
REDs: El Wrencher, Rizz Everywhere, Shepherd, Stinkmitt, 8 Ball, & Soy Peligroso
BLACKs: The Diamond, Magic Man, Cobra, The Deal, Enormous Sex, & The Surgeon
Game 1: Reds 11 Blacks 3
Game 2: Blacks 4 Reds 21
Game 3: Reds 11 Blacks 12 (10 inn.)
HRs: El Wrencher, 7; The Surgeon, 4; Soy Peligroso, 3; Stinkmitt, 2; Cobra, 2; The Diamond, 1; The Deal, 1; Shepherd, 1; 8 Ball, 1; Rizz Everywhere, 1