Seadderall • August 12th, 2021
JET CITY – Fledgling keto diets, metamucil colon-cleanses, surveying of ample retirement homes and travels to the grandkids were too much to contend with for the weekly regular tilt in the early Jet City summer. After nearly a month between games the Plowboy dipshits dusted off the cobwebs and rubbed the knees with Tiger-Balm to find the JCA in her perfect short summer form (Dontonio Bibi beaming from ear to ear -- his view via a sniper rifle scope perched atop the Sunnydale...just awaiting one more complaint about Ze German bush). For the select few still allowed in the labor force, tardy arrivals pushed a later than normal 5:05 PM start, but no one seemed to give a damn while kibitzing in the perfect Northwest summer evening.Rainier cans popped, jazz cabbage toked, and the always classy coitus cards were pulled to commence the head to head between the Blacks: Daisy Cutter, Caution Cone, Midas Touch (aka Ployboy) and the Reds: Dirtbag, Big Bat Bacon, Seadderall. Before coins were even flipped Notorious B.O.P., Daisy and Dirtbag began riding Seadderall like a five dollar harlot for his piss poor performance at the plate in this early 5th season. The Reds took the field and the fun began.
Game 1: With a mental focus, sanity and emotional i.q. that precariously teeters like an 82 year old, drunken/blindfolded Irishman on a tightrope, Seadderall somehow put the month's long constant putdowns to his use. As if it has always come easy, Seadderall conjured up glory from season's past and pumped the third pitch he saw in his first at bat high into the left field bush. The next inning he did it again. Third inning saw Dirtbag put one of his now commonplace deep centerfield Fat Mans into the pricklies, giving the Reds a 4-1 lead going into the fourth. The defense thrown about by both teams throughout the game was suspect. T-Bop with his thrown hat fumble-itis, Seadderall over running a fly while tossing his lager, BBB's lovable cloven hooves, and Daisy's attempt at juggling a shallow center can-of-corn all left runners on the paths, proving to be crucial missed outs. Over the next few innings both squads capitalized with HR's after errors that could have ended at bats. The only Plowboy showing any sort of solid hands all day long was Dirtbag. But the home runs, they were a-plentiful. Dirtbag and Daisy did their thing pumping Penns deep with frequency, T-Bop put his second up of the season, and for the first time all season even 206 Tar Heel kept pace with the big bats. The Reds only hung one scoreless inning and eventually outlasted Daisy and the Blacks for a 12-8 final.
Game 2: Mr. Midas continued his day long trend of emulating his Well-Fed recruiter and put an opposite field single safely into right. Bop continued his day of torrid line drive hitting and Daisy put some yellow fuzz into left and the Blacks took a 3-0 lead after one. Meanwhile Big Bat Bacon who was feeling aggravatingly close to resuming his Balls Out Season all day, got a pitch in the bottom of the 4th and finally got on the ding dong board. BBB's RBIs pushed the Reds back into contention, 3-2 which held into the 6th. Dueling home runs between D.C. and Seadderall had the score notched at 5-3 Blacks going into the 8th inning. Dirtbag, Tar Heel and Mary Kate-Ashley Olson continued with a long offensive onslaught in the top of the inning. Multiple HRs and six runs later the Reds came back to gain a 9-5 advantage. After BBB had the closest attempt at a double play opportunity that may be humanly possible earlier in the day, the Plowboys may have finally hit a new plateau. With one out and one on in the bottom of the 8th, Dirtbag made his customary shift to shallow center to play Ployboy's opposite field tendencies. Midas then slapped a first pitch stinging liner to the days long, newfound, sure hands of Dirtbag who held tightly and then proceeded to produce a first in Plowboy history. Through four and half seasons the geriatrics in Jet City had never successfully tipped over the double play can...that is until Dirtbag threw a 12 foot dart towards second base putting that damn Penn can on its ass. The 55+ year old groupies flown in from Kittitas showed their Tittitas to Dirtbag in appreciation. The rest of the game seemed over at that point and after a scoreless 9th the Reds held on to victory.
The day was arguably one of the best in Season 5's "Always Late...But Worth The Wait" glory...all the Plowboys were screaming on offense in unison in highly competitive bruhahas. On a perfect NW evening the Rainiers flowed into the dark at Sunnydale...even though once again they were too fuckin' late for the kitchen.
G1: Reds 12, Blacks 8
G2: Reds 9, Blacks 5
HR's: Seadderall (7), Dirtbag (6), Daisy Cutter (6), Big Bat Bacon (1), Caution Cone (1)
HR's: Seadderall (7), Dirtbag (6), Daisy Cutter (6), Big Bat Bacon (1), Caution Cone (1)