Seadderall & The Well Fed Man • July 8th 2020
JET CITY – Whoa…whoa…whoa…someone please alert the Plowboys quick. We get it. Cabin fever has taken its toll…and while the pro bono therapy of the DIPSHIT Hotline deserves a fond farewell it’s nice to see Dipshits nationwide shooting out to the glory pitches like mini white Ron Jeremy cosmonauts onto a Plowboy’s step-daughter’s face. All this excitement may be a bit much for the Polident Plowboys…four straight weeks now the Jet City Arena has seen action. Easily a record for the oft maligned chapter accused of resting in their recliners with their Metamucil PED shakes.
The frequent action has even pushed Dontonio Bibi into hiding as he can’t tend the field often enough. Alas, the Plowboys show up and enjoy the extra pitches that the dead grounders in Ze German bush produce. The trailer trash hardcore porn cards were drawn and this Monday’s Melee matchup teamed up Reds: Seadderall, Jergens, Double Meat, Rookie Drew vs. Blacks: BBBB, Daisy Cutter, Well Fed Man, Rookie Chris and Rookie Casey. Oddsmakers from the Kennewick Kaleidescope couldn’t give two shits as they’ve become fully engulfed into Nascar.
Game 1 saw team Black put some men on base early, but multiple failures to drive in runs with the bases juiced. Team Red touted their stellar pitching as they had a no-no going on themselves after three solid innings. Solid defense was being played by both teams. Bush tickling Penn’s were robbed. The eternally absent Jergen’s quickly reminded the Plowboys of his name with his soft hands in the outfield while snagging almost everything that was hit his way. The scoreless tie was broker in the top of the 4th when Seadderall orbited some fuzz into the bush for 3 runs. Double Meat helped add to the cause with a triple the next inning. Headed into the 6th down 5-0 the blacks got some juice from Rookie Chris and Daisy with some dingers. 5-4 headed in the 8th the Reds put more on base and Tar Heel hit another insurance dong to increase the lead to 8-4. Top of the 9th the Blacks tried to show some promise but their heavy hitter was distracted by the local ice cream man fresh out of quarantine. Missing his 9th inning at bat Daisy Cutter relinquished the game but provided many an ice cream sandwich for the Plowboys. 8-4 Final.
Game 2 saw a quick 5 run first inning from the Blacks. In the midst of the game Daisy Cutter showed a side to the many fans of the Jet City Arena rarely seen before…compassion for something other than himself. As a triumvirate of hippie, guitar wielding, ne’er-do-gooders finished their case of beer they found it prudent to litter the remains into the pristine bush. Daisy let every four letter word out in their general direction. Little did anyone know D.C. was such a climate change warrior. The game wore on with little fanfare other than some solid defense flashed by both teams. Rookie Drew found his swing after 172 ground ball outs, BBBB hit some line shots, Rookie Chris tempted some dingers, Double Meat continued to look for another home run with zero luck, Jergens upset with his stroke decided to switch hit and went 3-4 from the left side, HR’s were hit by both D.C. and Seadderall and the final score settled in at 7-2.
G1: Reds: 8, Blacks: 4
G2: Blacks: 7, Reds: 2
HR’s: Seadderall (3), Daisy Cutter (2), Rookie Chris (1)