Salary • October 29th, 2019
LOS ANGELES - Motorboat blossomed before our very eyes this past Saturday.
Like a pre-teen discovering the sprouts of his first short and curlies down where rubbing feels good, on Saturday, Motorboat found in his twelfth year of stickballing that his body was apparently now capable of things he never before thought it could do.
Fielding clean catches, consistent hitting, and even tallying his first ever grown-man-slap, which was an exceedingly clutch 8th inning game tie-er, Motorboat looked at his own appendages and thought to himself “Is this how I’m going to be now?”
It was a strange feeling no doubt. Mysterious. Perhaps a bit scary. But ultimately it felt good. And Motorboat made it clear, he wanted to feel this way all day.
Motorboat wasn’t the only one who was excited for his day of self discovery though, every Tinseltown Fun Boy on Blacktop Beach was as proud as any degenerate uncle who witnesses his nephew’s first pubescent fistfight. This was doubly true for his fellow Blacks teammates- JEFF, Raw Dog, and Golf Shotz.
Motorboat’s transformation began like most pubescence, with an unexpected eruption at a critical moment.
In the first game, after Golf Shotz spanked the baby with two solo blasts and the Lothario AKA Lavern & Shirley went Shclemiel and Schlimazel himself, the Reds consisting of Salary, Starfish, Katfish, and Nor’Easter were up 3-2. That’s when Motorboat made a mess of the pine trees beyond the fence with a solo blast that stopped everyone dead in their tracks. The overhand chop had connected and Motorboat found himself in as-yet-unknone territory- a leader in the Chapter home run tally.
And even though Lothario tallied his second Jimmy Jam of the game to put the Reds over the top for a 5-3 Opening Game Win, like any springtime in a young man’s life, Motorboat’s zeal could not be contained.
In Game Two, like a freshman who bathed himself in Axe Body spray before asking the homecoming queen to a romantic two person Saturday Night Choke Party in his parent’s newly remodeled basement while they spent the weekend leaf peeping on Mackinac Island, Motorboat displayed his newfound confidence via a barrage of hitting and fielding competence that helped the Blacks step on the listless Reds with a 6-1 flogging that included three more Bing Crosby’s from Golf Shotz as well as Raw Dog’s first Sizzler of the year.
In the third game, Motorboat continued his fielding and hitting awakening with more solid fuzzy grabs, and smacks, but the Reds found a rhythm in the third and fourth innings, where both fishes Star and Kat each tallied his first trip to Dong Town this season and the Reds secured a commanding 8-1 lead that they would not relinquish.
By the end of the day, Motorboat could barely walk after repeatedly enjoying all his newfound pleasurable sensations, and the rest of the Funboys had to tip their caps in appreciation of the Becoming that transpired before them.
Game 1: R: 5, B: 3
Game 2: B: 6, R: 1
Game 3: R: 8, B: 1
HR’s: Golf Shotz: 5, Lothario: 2, Motorboat: 1, Raw Dog: 1, Starfish: 1, Katfish: 1