The Intern • May 12th, 2018
LOS ANGELES – The potential for the YFSLA chapter was on full display Saturday, leaving league heads with a collective half chubber swelled from fantasies of future Tinsel Town Fun Boys tabloid exploits becoming the stuff of legend around this sun-baked city once populated by the likes of Charlie Manson and Chuck Bukowski.
Lest any instagram models or commercial actors think otherwise, Saturday proved YFSLA is for real.
Game One saw the Blacks comprised of The Intern, Big Weds, Rookie Luke L and Rookie Connor B.
The Reds sported a squad led by Raw Dog's big swing, Rookie Brian C, the unassuming Rookie Tommy O, and the largest man with the smallest dog in all of California - Rookie Josh L.
A classic four on four rumble under May Grey skies stretching to the Pacific was about to shake. The Airfield was primed.
Reds batted first and right from the jump the rooks, Josh L and Tommy O, made their presence known with some deep field slaps that put the whole airport on notice, leaving all the 8 year old soccer players and the Blacks duly impressed- and concerned- as the Reds jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead.
The Blacks had no response- no doubt they were all collectively shaking off the booze and sex still dripping from their psyches from the night previous. Raw Dog smelled blood in the water and cranked a 2 run glamour shot in the 4th, opening up the lead to 4-0.
And then Rookie Tommy O whipped it out. In the 8th, proving Rookie Tommy O is on some straight up Stickball Lothario shit, Tommy O punched his own Bomb Card on his first trip to Blacktop Beach, then continued to jack deep stingers with the stamina of a long haul Trucker who just fizzed up a cocktail of 5 Hour Energy and Panther Jizz. The only run for the Reds came on a bottom of the 9th solo shot from The Intern that reeked of self respect and clearly was an omen for things to come.
The Reds took the first game 6-1, but the real fireworks came in game two where the Blacks now leading off, opened things up with a 3 run bashing that featured a center field bomb from The Intern so profound, SaMo Air Traffic control grounded all planes for three minutes purely out of respect. The Blacks tallied a follow up run in the second but the Reds answered in the fifth with yet another two run slop-dinger from The Stickball Lothario himself, Rookie Tommy O.
Unfazed, the Blacks continued their solid hitting behind the consistent swing of Big Weds and timely sniper shots from Rookie Luke L. The Intern once again went yard for a two run blast, leaving the score at a comfortable 6-2 going into the bottom of the 8th. Then, perhaps to show us just how torqued this first timer was, Rookie Tommy O produced another dinger that closed the gap to 6-3. The Blacks cooled their heels in the top of the ninth, opening the door for the Reds in the bottom of the inning where, in an unprecedented show of small ball hitting, the Reds then landed duck after duck on the pond, and scooted them home with doubles and singles that seemed to be guided by advanced North Korean missile guidance systems, avoiding any humans and landing safely on the blacktop.
Finally, with the score at 6-5, bases loaded, bottom of the ninth, two outs, the Hog Hanger himself, Rookie Tommy O stepped up to bat. The stakes couldn't be higher. And in that moment, his manhood on full display, Rookie Tommy O hit a solid looper to center, where The Intern made a run on it- and what should have been a catchable ball bounced off his hands, allowing the tying run to score. The next batter struck out and we had our first Extra Innings Affair at Melanoma Station.
In the top of the tenth, Big Weds and Rookie Luke L continued to do what they did all day, get hits and put men on the bags, giving The Intern two men on, and no outs. Some would say there was no doubt to what happened next, others never saw it coming, but when it transpired, there wasn't a soul within 2 miles who didn't get a tingle in their Nethers. The Intern, without so much as a shrug jacked a three run Fuck You Bomb to seal the game for the Blacks and redeem his sad 9th inning failure.
And if anyone had any doubts about the legitimacy of the YFSLA resolve, they got smoked quick like Easy Ups primo Medicinal.
REDs: Raw Dog, Rookie Brian C, Rookie Tommy O, Rookie Luke S
BLACKs: The Intern, Big Weds, Rookie Luke L, Rookie Connor B (game 1), (Rookie Steven B- mid-game 2 addition)
G1: R's: 6, B's: 1
G2 (10 innings): B's: 9, R's: 6
HRs: The Intern: 4, (8), Raw Dog: 1 (4), Rookie Tommy O: 3
Death from Below