The Mechanic • July 22nd, 2012
BROOKLYN – Dipping your balls into fat endorsement deals after winning a title in professional sports is nothing new. It comes with the territory. And the premier athletes of YFS are no exception as they have been asked to perform on and off the field soon after the contract ink dries and the press conference bush-flash girls are gone.
After winning his first YFS World Title in 2010, The Matador Vives signed the coveted 2-comped-sandwiches-a-week deal with Bridge Fresh Deli who's NY health board inspection rating has never surpassed more than a 'C'. "What can I say? I was excited to finally start wetting my beak. And when girls would see me get my free sandwich, all those on-the-house meats and cheeses stacked high…Bridge Fresh might as well of added in a few sides of free pussy" said the recently slimmed down Vives. "Have I gotten an HJ right near the low-sodium Boar's Head ham from another lunching coed? I'm not gonna say I haven't" continued the left-hitting Champion who took a confident nip off a freshly cracked Budweiser tall boy.
What's followed has been a tough year for Vives who's struggles boiled over on Sunday as he flung his bat after striking out on a 0-2 33 mph lob ball with runners in scoring position. The thrown lumber struck RED teammate Cobble Hill Kid and landed him on the 15-day DL with a bruised tibialis. "My apologies go out to my teammate CHK, Bridge Fresh and of course the fans" rambled Vives in a post-game press conference. Bridge Fresh admitted that the relationship with Vives has seen some strain but that he's still their guy, "We like that he always orders Turkey and American cheese on wheat and every time he braves eating the whole thing even though he gets the shits. You flat gotta respect that" snickered Bridge Fresh's manager Hosni Shabana. As an olive branch Vives said he was going to drop off all his free lunches at CHK's house this week but was crystal clear is stating he would only surrender one ration of the fan pussy.
Record numbers turned out at York last Sunday as a 3-bill tilt was played on a tremendous low-humidity 85 degree day. "These kind of days are meant for stickball, you gotta tip your cap to gents high up and say 'Fuck yeah religion heads, we appreciate you lobbing a cherry one down on us today'.
The BLACKS were The Diamond" Haas, The Secret Agent, Upstate's Big Cut Conklin, The Wanderer, LA product and X-TREME Stickball League (XSL) player Talk Show Nelson, B. Davis and The Mechanic who took on the left-heavy REDS of The Craftsman Cohen, El Matador, La Grievance Grieve, The Cobble Hill Kid, Soy Peligroso, Turk Shotgun and The Connoisseur Cain.
The card-drawn BLACKS nut-slapped the Penns around all day and took home the three contests as The Surgeon and The Wanderer combined for 5 jacks on the day. A re-tooled and fit Talk Show had a solid outing after a hiatus from York by going 5-13 at the dish and a perfect 8-8 with the cold suds.
The Dog Days of Season 4 are upon us as the next game is set for this Sunday, 1:05 start.
G1: B: 5, R: 2
G2: R: 2, B: 7
G3: B: 14, R: 3
HRs: Surgeon: 3 (30), Wanderer; 2 (21)