Salary • May 9th, 2020
LOS ANGELES – We’re embarking on a new era in stickball. Make no mistake about it. While the unimaginative mouth breathing masses clamor to “get back to normal” we, the well-endowed cockroaches of LA know that in times of massive upheaval there is no going back, only forward. It takes a vision to see what could be in a new reality such as the one we are now creating, a vision for YFS and the TTFBs that has been increasingly shaped as of late by The Deal. Innovation and improvisation is what is needed in times like these. And The Consiglieri’s creativity in all things strategic, fashion, and indeed competitive, is the perfect antidote for the despair and fear that knocks daily on our doors.
His recent spearheading of the first ever YFS Dipshit Stimulus Package Auction as well as his commitment to recruitment and relationship building within the chapter and across the league has earned him the new title of Commissioner Deal AKA The Commish-lieri. No doubt his passion and energy will help successfully steer our ship into the uncertain waters of the future.
We thank Commissioner Emeritus Raw Dog for all his work in getting the chapter up on its feet, like a freshly birthed baby deer we have quickly planted our stems beneath us and are now running roughshod over this quarantined city.
It is with this fresh addition to the YFSLA brass that the TTFBs returned to their beloved wasteland, The Dirt. The broken glass, the crackling hi tension power lines, the cadre of under-bridge dwellers lined up outside their tent village to wave and cheer our return was all a comfort after months away. And to our relief, not a damn thing had changed. Clearly the virus wanted no part of our wasteland, which is just fine with us.
Rather than shy away from the realities of 2020 mask-wear like some infantile gun range enthusiast, the TTFBs brought a strong mask game to the dirt. Dr Big Dick arrived fresh from his rounds still in his surgical mask while the Deal AKA Dishpan sported CDC approved dish washing gloves and bandana. Baby Boi came correct with the hardest face mask on the cell block - a lacy number fashioned by the inmates of Maricopa County, Arizona’s Correctional Facility, and Starf rocked a Pyramids of Giza themed piece he scored from the east side’s finest clothier.
Once the air hugs and play got underway, the Reds consisting of Sal, Dishpan Deal and BD M.D., returned to midseason form almost immediately. With a stiff wind blowing in from the LA river making any moon shot a near impossibility, the Reds employed a small ball strategy that featured a new wrinkle to the newest commissioner’s game - opposite field attacks. The Deal had the Rookie Reece, Starf and Baby Boi dancing in the outfield as they attempted to answer Dishpan’s target practice. That, and a few dropped balls sealed the fate of Team Black in both games, succumbing to the consistent hitting from the Red Trio for 5-2 and 6-1 thumpings.
As we endeavor to play out our second season and provide a model for other professional sports leagues, you can rest assured that the safety and well being of our players is the top priority of the YFSLA.
Game 1: R's: 5, Bs: 2
Game 2: Bs: 1, Rs: 6