Seadderall • June 3rd, 2019
SEATTLE – For the third straight week the Plowboys found themselves at Jet City Arena, and somehow, someway the sun was out this first weekend of June and burning the back of the Plowboy necks as if they were down in the D$$. The old lads sluggishly emerged from their Ben Gay baths, slurped down their Metamucil smoothies, and attempted to stretch out and massage their ailments from such prolific action this early season. Dontonio Bibi’s Pacific Northwest Field of Dreams was finely tuned to all its splendor…the LGBTQIA groupies ferried in from Lilliwaup were all in a tizzy when from the Bush they heard a faintly whispered “build it and they will cum”.
Setting the stage or better yet the table for the action this Sunday, the CEO/President/and-sometimes-a-client of Mean Sandwich rolled in on his two wheeled iron steed with gifts overflowing from the saddlebags. 206 Tar Heel immediately commented in a desirous way on Well Fed Man’s new lid…a black trucker hat adorned with the Mean Sandwich logo (a mouth wide agape apropos for the Jet City shit talk). Not 5 minutes after the positive feedback WFM surprisingly handed out fresh new lids to all the Plowboys in attendance. The boys were happy. Not to be outdone by his first offering, the second saddlebag offered 20+ mouth watering hoagies laid out under the JCA tent for all hungry takers. The boys were now fat and happy.
Caution Cone (in his new neon orange YFS hard hat) called the Plowboys to the draw and the teams were set. Team Black: Daisy Cutter, Caution Cone and Well Fed Man vs. Team Red: Real Mechanic, Big Bat Bacon and Seadderall. The odds makers from the Duvall Dispatch gave the betting edge to the Blacks. The teams took to the field and that was for all intents and purposes the extent of the action. Game 1 saw more 3 up 3 down innings than have ever been witnessed in the history of the fabled JCA. The Plowboys from both sides were collectively weighed down offensively by the gourmet capicola and bahn mi buns. The hits were few as both teams somehow displayed a defensive output rarely seen at the friendly confines. Regulation Bacon even looked a spry Rickey Henderson running down line drives and robbing home runs. Team Red while in the shift dashed the hopes from the WFM when 206 Tar Heel displayed all the athleticism of a crippled manatee robbing a sure fire extra base hit with an over the shoulder grab. Reporters, fan-ladyboys and the teams themselves have no recollection of how the only run was scored. Blacks took home the cock-soggy victory with a final of 1-0.
Cursing the headwinds, Game 2 started in a similar manner. BBB was being no hit by his team’s pitching, looking more similar to Fat Elvis than the young crooner he paralleled the
week prior. Headed into a scoreless 4th Daisy Cutter put a solo shot into the center field Bush. The following inning Team Black led by WFM’s plethora of opposite field singles plated 5 runs after continually finding ways to put the Penn into the grass. Heads down team Red was already defeated…but WFM had to leave early leaving only two defensive juggernauts for Team Black. A few singles and a triple later put the score at 6-2 and gave the Reds a glimmer of hope. That was all quickly dashed when T-Bop hit one of the deepest drives the left field at JCA has ever seen, plating 3 more runs and breaking the back of opposition. Final score 9-2.
Game 1: B:1 R:0
Game 2: B:9 R:2
HR’s: Daisy Cutter (1), T-Bop (1)