Soy Peligroso  •  October 20th, 2017


The Red 1s vs The Red 2s in a best of 3
Sunday October 22
First Pitch: 10:05 am
TV: xHamster Webcam

Red 1s:
The Surgeon
Party Boy
The Magic Man
Long Balls Lenny
The Diamond

Rings: 6
Regular Season Career HRs: 562
Postseason Career HRs: 73
Members of the 5(•)(•) Club: 1

Suds: 5
Reefer: 4
Laughs: 4
Dedication: 4

Party on, Red 1s. If all 5 team members somehow manage to avoid waking up on gameday in a dumpster, bodies covered in warpaint and angel dust, it will be a minor miracle. The catalyst of it all is Party Boy. Back from his Moroccan fuckfest/networking session, the Boy Who Parties has been en fuego. Somewhere deep within the jungles of African pubic hair, he found his swing. The Magic Man has also been starting more and more fires, finding holes in the defense like a blind Ron Jeremy. Returning champ Long Balls Lenny used his 2016 Classic winnings on a full back tattoo of a winking, anthropomorphic scrotum. The Diamond was last seen at 68 Jay Bar being hand-fed grapes by 2 amorous Dumbo moms. His whereabouts are currently unknown. And finally, the Surgeon. On September 24 at exactly 6:27 pm, an electric tickle shocked the beans of the entire adult female population of New York City. Eye witnesses later reported a fuzzy green UFO leaving Brooklyn’s atmosphere. Many assumed it was a horny extraterrestrial, some randy ALF down to pound, a cold case for the XXX-files. Only a select few knew the truth. Future HOF-er The Surgeon had notched his 500th regular season career home run. Individually, the Red 1s know their way around an ayahuasca ceremony. Collectively, these boys make Burning Man look like a petting zoo. 

Odds to win it all: 7 to 1

Red 2s:
The Shepherd
Shroomin' Mo
Time Machine
Ya Jeans!

Rings: 4
Regular Season Career HRs: 255
Postseason Career HRs: 22
Oprah Fuckers: 1

Suds: 4.5
Reefer: 3
Laughs: 3.5
Dedication: 4

The Red 2s are your weird uncle who finishes the NY Times Saturday crossword in an open robe while absentmindedly wearing last night’s condom. They put the endo in innuendo. Pitching might be an issue with these sexy brainiacs as the only semi-regular hurler is the Shepherd. Hothead Shep continues to receive royalties from his star turn as “Handsome Pete,” the Nobokov-obsessed chimney sweep on season 2 of HBO’s Girls. Mo the Swingin’ Fun Guy has upped his dosage and is in talks with Ya Jeans for a recipe book ghostwritten by Tom Wolfe. Speaking of the denim’d manboy, Ya Jeans suffered a Fuck My Finger injury earlier this year which heavily hampered his HR total. As a result, he’s produced a series of PSAs which warn about the dangers of sneezing while finger-blasting. Time Machine is back from the past after impregnating the mom of MLB stars Corey and Kyle Seager. And 2016 champ and treasurer Cobble Hill Growth Hormone Kid has put the entire YFS kitty towards rebooting the Puerto Rican porn industry. These Red 2s have done the math. They’ve made the diagrams. Only time will tell if they’ve made a rounding error.
Odds to win it all: 8 to 1

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