The Minister • October 26th, 2019
What up Jacklegs. Few Chapter to Chapter notes coming ‘atcha MInister direct on your FM dial. Serving up the hot YFS beat happenings from your favorite stand-up desk. Hasn't been a ton of social channel peacocking as of late but that doesn’t mean mad work ain’t happening behind the 12 ft. oak doors at YFS HQ. Plus most of you now have your own insta accounts to throw them jibbles out should you be in share mode. HQ will begin focusing more on the YFS site versus Instagram so if you want to know the straight sling then check back on dispatch early and often. I will say the undercurrent of the YFS is now strong enough to drag a pack of beach fatties into the middle of the Pacific for good. Y’all been putting in hard at work tilling them glory fields. We building this out slab by slab, slugger by quality slugger. A big humble thank you from HQ for all the effort. An endeavor that we can 94.7% guarantee will be worth your time exchange when you find yourself facing death and begin your slow descent into AB foot dust for tomorrow’s YFS youth.
BROOKLYN – Shit’s getting postseason heavy out at York this weekend. The only Chapter to run the preferred 2 week postseason setup has begun courting another set for the coveted Fish trophy. Left standing from last week’s semi-final melee are the Black 2’s of The Surgeon, Rizz E AKA Solo Shot, 8-Ball and Rookie Drunk Tank who will square ‘em up with the Red 2’s of Soy Peligroso, Body Double, Lefty Moses, Stinkmitt and The Mechanic in a best of 5 final this Sunday. The Black 2’s will once again leave their Mr. Irrelevant seat vacant which was occupied for a hot minute by YFSLA’s Dom the Deal who after winning the dubious honor promptly walked out on his 10 day Brooklyn playoff contract. A shame because in his entire 7 year Brooklyn career, the Deal wasn’t able to boat dock the Fish and this B2 team would have given him more than a fighting chance. A real head scratcher as the Deal is a YFS 5 star player with a stellar record and off-the-charts contributions under the SRLD shield. But The Deal’s selfish ripple effect continues with aftershock waves as other qualified sluggers from around the leauge were left out of the contest because of the Deal’s surefooted and prompt reply to compete which drove inking of the contest date. And is even more proof of why this league is iron fist ran and counts on the trusted words of its sluggers to make things plum. Deal’s King-size bedshit bill comes in steep with a 5 year ban from any postseason work in Brooklyn. The irish goodbye waving Deal now must make it work in LA as one of the deepest glory buckets in the league has been time-capped on him. And although Deal may of gifted his would be B2 team the AB lather that a 4 slugger lineup can produce, he also leaves them with a potential defensive hole in the field of play. Time will tell if Deal’s absence will be a gift to his would be teammates or yet another ghost turd for them to clean up.
Update: Looking like mad wazz for the Brooklyn Mothership Finals this Sunday. If the Dark Sky Doppler app holds – a makeup date will be set TBD.
*BK’s Season 11 postseason preview by Long Balls Lenny here.
DIRTY SOUTH – These Bozo’s just lit wicks on Season Ocho under the Season Album Title, HEAVEN’S EIGHT. A Katfish-free season that still bolsters 3 of 4 from the Galactic Championship group that has plenty of lather and snap and shows no signs on slowing down. Jumping out at us as the pace cars are Red Menace, The Southern Diamond, Double Barrell, Czar Brah, The Mick Jaggar of Stickball, Natural, Azucar, and of course The Captain. The dirtiest Chapter that has been stingy on sharing intel is loosening up its relationship with HQ to work more in lockstep and is becoming one of the more helpful ones with this idiot push. The dudes got lotta momentum and the bright light is pouring in on the Dirty South as of late. Outside of their lackluster PF Chang Superdome where the only upside we see is night games and a bottomless stocked concession stands serving Asian fusion wraps and Geisha girl Cosmos, The Dirty Ones have never been more fit to being winners. They will also be hosting a league wide mixer tournament (Tilt Title TBD) in April of next year during our Galactic’s gap year. Which is sure to become the tournament not to miss in 2020. Details coming soon. Start saving some travel cash as this one shouldn’t be missed.
JET CITY – After running one of their more colorful Season 3 campaigns riddled with Sky Mall® level bong tents, travel games and car giveaways these leg-shooting glory grandpas have since fallen asleep at the Buick’s wheel and gone dark for the greater part of 2 months since the 3 City Shitbox Skirmish in late August. The only thing that can keep their Chapter status from more late season flatulation is to get off their Costco jeans asses and host their end of the year tournament and crown another Sir Puppy Bitch trophy set of winners. So here for the umpteenth time, the league is begging them to get younger. The beloved chapter is so far behind in competitive swerve and energy that if you drew them first round in the Galactics II it would be like getting a bye. HQ suggests going to Jack in a Box to pull a few zit-ridden kids out of the drive through window with fake IDs for starters. I know it’s hard for all us to wrap our heads around aging without replenishment, but if you don’t sprinkle in some youth in your YFS Chapter you will literally all die or just look like you’re going to simultaneously pull 5 groins during BP. Youth gives the oldies a competitive shot in the arm and rounds out the contributions on gameday so you’re not all in agreement that playing 4 hours of live Dave Matthews is a fantastic idea. We don’t make up the mortailty rules. But they’ve always been clearly marked and posted for all to see.
Update: Jet City held their draw at the Sunnydale Tavern two nights ago. So they’re on track to play if a handful of them don’t die before first pitch on Sunday. So halt the calls to old folk homes and funeral parols. For now.
LOS ANGELES – The TinselTown Fun Boys have expanded with a beta east side field called THE DIRT. These dummy’s got mad turnout and lather for a city that offers so many options which is a huge tip of the cap to their leadership. Always a tad stingy on taking any leage direction from HQ. But the Minister realizes it takes one to know one. And just like an outside pitched ball, the league is just going with it and will put faith in what they have already earned as a unit. We seeing big things for the TTFB’s. Their first official rivalry game with YFS Rosarito (Second if you count the Galactics epic tilt) is now set for December 6th, 2019 when they’ll push south over the border to play Toro, Borracho, Puta Manana and Co. as they will all battle the Santa Ana winds for border bragging rights. The YFSLA joint is jumping and we’re excited to see what an even wider open throttle turns in for their Season 2.
ROSE CITY – Steady big dumb rolls out of the City of Roses. Second only to Brooklyn in game rhythm, invites and recaps, we see them as one of more relentless well-rounded glory attacks in the league. It’s big out in Rose City: Big Trip, Big Steve and home to Big Vagina. These flex-sex winners of the Shitbox Skirmish Royale got a signature win that put them on the map. The only knock from HQ is that we’d like to hear more variety from them as the Flex-Sex shingle hung out front seems to be the extent of their unique identity. If the majority of the league finds laughs in dumb crass jokes and weather center bits then we want to hear the equivalent from the Rose City set. What dumb cracks do they make that are put on the social shelves in everyday life that can fly free here in the YFS. Because the laughter, stupidity and light needs to take all forms. The league was designed to fund characters’s expression anyway that you like, We’re not suggesting big hairy dick invites for them, but we’re also not not suggesting big hairy dick invites for them. We are all about equality of the dumb here at YFS HQ. So if it makes you laugh, chances are it will make others laugh too. So let's see a little more leg, Rose City.
Update: The held their PostSeason draw last Wednesday night.: 4 teams: Dicks Hearts and Dick Diamonds. AND Tit Hearts and Tit Diamonds. Bravo, Rose City. It’s like you read our minds. RESPECT. Keep fucking that chicken.
ROSARITO – These Cabrones a coming up. So much effort this year, grinding out rules, questions, and process but simply just not talking about themselves enough. HQ has been in contact with them at a consistent clip. The games are being played but the work just needs to be put into writeups, invites and HR tallying. In a sense they are the Chapter that plays but doesn’t know how to talk about themselves. Which we’d rather have than the latter. They know what’s important and the details of propaganda and beat reporting will be something they learn. They want to make branded YFS Mexican bats. They want to contribute. They also want to kill you on the field. But win or lose they will pour you some family batch tequila and laugh with you until the sun goes down. The league is fortunate to have these Mexicans in our company. They will continue to make us all better players and people. They got 12 solid glory bangers and are set to have their first Championship tournament on November 2nd, 2019.